So when a link got posted on Reddit and I started to skim it, I almost spit out the cheap red wine I was drinking. It’s about a Boy Scout that probably isn't going to get his Eagle Scout award because he’s gay. Surely Mormons are a little uptight, but uncaring and cold? This needs investigating.
Thomas Montgomery is an active, believing Mormon who has a gay teenage son. Even the most liberal of men can feel lost in a situation like that, because sexuality is complicated and growing up sucks in any case. Now, Thomas’ son is at the age where he can see institutionalized discrimination, and he’s also in the awkward position where it affects him. This is the part where good dads have have the duty to shuffle the deck a little bit, and Thomas does his due to shuffle ‘em.
The Boy Scouts of America doesn't allow openly gay scouts or openly gay leaders. No, they don’t test you, or double-dog dare you to make out with Molly Mormon under the bleachers, this is an entirely symbolic form of discrimination. You can stay in the club as long as you stay in the closet. I don’t have a problem with closets, I have a problem with forcing kids into them.
But that’s how the Boy Scouts and most Mormons prefer it. You can hang around us, but not the “you” you...the “you” that this environment has made for you. Just be that person we talked about earlier, and everyone will be happy. Anything else upsets the flow we've got going. Being your genuine self brings meaningful discussion, requires me to think critically and empathize with my peers, and tests my openness to experience.
Isn't that what “scouting” is about?
Well, if the BSA discriminates against people because of their sexuality, how could it be about that? I could rag on the BSA all day for this very reason. It’s styled to look like it’s about individual growth, community citizenship and service. Their highest award? You and your parents do some work to earn it, but the real requirement is to pretend to respect god and act like you’re only going to love vagina, eventually, when you’re older.
What really spells success in scouting (or school, or life in general) are more important things, like parenting. My parents encouraged me in scouting or I would have never even showed up. The Montgomerys must encourage their son, or he wouldn't even be even close to the Eagle award. Good parenting, check. But, their son just happens to be both gay and honest. Honesty is only encouraged for straight boys, apparently.
For example, Jordan will have all his qualifications for Eagle within the year. I have brought up the issue with Boy Scout leaders, our Bishop and our Stake President. We are met with cool tolerance. Everyone acknowledges that Jordan has earned and deserves his Eagle and that it would be a tragedy if he were refused (acceptance), but no one is advocating for him (support).
These parents are just trying to raise their kid right, and of course are taking advantage of the built-in community and leadership that Mormon communities put into scouting. That’s just common sense. They also don't want their son to grow up feeling threatened or pigeonholed. And they’re getting a lot of lukewarm responses from Mormons, a people who claim to be the most well-behaved people on earth.
When we link national articles via Facebook and email to family and friends about an issue directly relevant to Jordan, there are no replies of support. Here and there, some of our “supporters” have asked to not be contacted with such information or at least to be blind copied so as to not be associated with a group that could possibly support such things.
Which brings me to the real issue, which is not Mormonism or Scouting: social dramaturgy. Life is a theatrical production, and you have to act a certain way on-stage or the drama just doesn’t work. On-stage is where most of the action happens, so imagine it to be any conversation where other people are around. Luckily, you also have a backstage area you can decompress, and even invite other actors to hang out or commiserate.That’s sort of like sitting in your room and listening to ABBA. There is a lot more to it than that, but I’m not sure how much is applicable so I’ll get to the point.
If your life’s playwright is Joseph Smith, discussing certain topics is going to anger and confuse the other actors. Asking them to care about something that isn’t in the script is going to raise eyebrows. There just isn’t a part for gay teens in this script. They don’t feel comfortable on stage, so they’re kind of on the fringe, where nobody wants to be. Even though most people don’t have any animosity for outsiders, they aren’t main characters, and they probably never will be.
I’m going to repeat this part, because it really stings:
...some of our “supporters” have asked to not be contacted with such information or at least to be blind copied so as to not be associated with a group that could possibly support such things.
Translation: Some people aren’t just scared of empathizing, they’re scared of other people thinking they empathize with something unpopular. So yeah, send your spam emails about your son as long as my peers can’t see that I’m involved.
Denying yourself sexual enjoyment in life is fine, go for it. I've already talked more shit about Mormons and sexuality than anyone is comfortable with. But scouting isn't about sex: there is nothing in scouting that involves sex. This is about an organization that treats kids badly for how they feel. If I had a gay son, I wouldn't want him to be around other people that systematically exclude him.
So here’s the name-calling. People who are unwilling to step outside the usual dramaturgical everyday existence? Those people are lame. People who do that, but also pretend to follow Jesus Christ, and also distance themselves from an adolescent boy in need of support? Yeah, those people are fucking pussies. Avoid them at all cost.
Do the Girl Scouts have a Boy’s Auxiliary or something? Raising kids is hard enough these days.
I'm so glad you posted your thoughts. I too was a Mormon Eagle Scout, though all that was before the official BSA position was adopted in the early 1990's. Instead, I was a scout just before the Mormon Scouts were made to officially and publicly adopt an anti-racism policy. I was just a young scout at the time the Mormons ended their racists policies in 1978, and I remember the relief we all felt to leave the long history of racism behind. Over a decade later and the Mormon Scout contingent managed to get the national BSA to adopt the anti-gay policy. And here we are 20 years after that working to reverse that experiment. Talking to friends and neighbors helps, and here is a link to a group working directly to reform the scouts: http://www.scoutsforequality.com/
ReplyDeleteThanks dude. It's frustrating that people don't see the parallel between the racist pre-1978 policy and the current homophobic policy.
Delete